The Month After Christmas Diet Poem

A humorous poem found by our friends over at Winners Drink Milk shares a tongue-in-cheek look January diets.

The Month After Christmas Diet Poem
(Author Unknown)

T’was the month after Christmas, and all through the house
Nothing would fit me, not even a blouse.

The eggnog I’d chugged, the cookies I’d taste,
at the holiday parties had gone to my waist.

When I got on the scales there arose such a number!
When I walked to the store (less a walk than a lumber).

I’d remember the marvelous meals I’d prepared;
The gravies and sauces and beef nicely rared,

The wine and the rum balls, the bread and the cheese
And the way I’d said, “more eggnog, please.”

As I dressed myself in my husband’s old shirt
And prepared once again to do battle with dirt

I said to myself, as only I can
You can’t spend winter disguised as a man!

So, away with the last of the sour cream dip,
Get rid of the ‘nog, the fruit cake, the crackers and chips

Every last bit of food that I like must be banished
Till all the additional ounces have vanished.

I won’t have a cookie–not even a lick.
I’ll only be chewing on celery sticks.

I won’t have hot biscuits, or corn bread, or pie,
I’ll munch on a carrot and quietly cry.

I’m hungry, I’m lonesome, and life is a bore
But isn’t that what January is for?

Unable to giggle, no longer a riot.
Happy New Year to all and to all a good diet!